


disconnected

by somethingfullofangst (sram)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gender Related, I apologise, I think I am funny but I am not, M/M, Meeting halfway, Therapy, fake psychology, frenemies to lovers, opposite slow burn idk what it is though, possible paranormal, scam artist kihyun, socially inept changkyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-10-23 21:36:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17691509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sram/pseuds/somethingfullofangst
Summary: Kihyun has to fall in love with the idiot who thinks he's the reincarnated version of a girl nobody has ever even heard of. He'll fix the problem, even if has to bullshit a lot of it a long the way.-Aforementioned idiot is paying good money to get his head examined by a phony Spiritual Psychologist in an attempt to figure out where these memories of a girl long gone stem from.Maybe they’ll fall in love. Maybe they’re just destined to kill each other. Never know.





	1. Chapter 1

Lim Mi Soo wakes up a man. No, wait, that's not right.  
But  
Lim Mi Soo wakes up a man. 

-

The walls in the foyer are all covered with family portraits. Mi Soo runs her fingers along the entirety of the first one, over her smiling boyish face, short hair, and flat chest. Her father stands next to her proudly, his chin tilted upwards, grinning ear to ear. This isn't right. It can't be. 

All of her memories from the past twenty years are of a short pudgy-faced girl named Lim Mi Soo, but here she is, the body of a young man, lean muscles replacing her rounder curves. Once-chubby fingers are now long and slender which she uses to rub the sharpness of her jawline in wonder and awe. There is a full-length mirror at the end of the short front hall, trimmed in gold leaf decorations and other things that she can no longer focus on, because right before her very eyes, she sees it: a man no older than she standing where there should be an awkward five-foot-one curly haired girl. 

The traces of Mi Soo in this house have vanished. In the pictures on the walls and in the mirror as well. There is no such thing as that short curly haired girl. There is no such thing as Mi Soo. 

On the one hand she should be screaming in terror and groping her flat chest, but on the other hand, or rather in the other hand, she grabs at her crotch. If this mysterious morning has taken away her sometimes annoying big boobies, then at least it should've blessed her with something great down below. 

 

\- 

 

Changkyun goes days (maybe even weeks) trying to adjust to his new name. Dead the memory of Mi Soo to everyone that he knows, but dead not her own memories, so he remembers everything that he went through in life (and in death.)

It could've been a sleep induced dream or something - the entire life that he remembers: the only thing that has changed is the fact that he is no longer a woman, although his family and friends remain the same way they have always been. Even his childhood home and family pet poodle Lisa draw forth the fondest memories, and before long starts to throw him into mild insanity from the blurring line of real and fake. He even remembers losing his virginity to the same man that took it in high school - but as a man himself, not the clumsy fingers trying to push hair away from her face because she thought it would help her breathe easier. 

And finally he remembered laying across his unmade bed as Mi Soo, one sock dangling careless off her foot, apple cheeks pressed into the soft of her pillow. She dreamt that night that she'd passed away. She dreamt of her own funeral, the way her mother held her lifeless bony hand in her own, the way her best friend Han stood beside the coffin and shook his head rapidly like the shaking would undo her passing. So young, pretty and full of life. The people that stood around her body mourned this great unexpected loss. The cause of death is unknown, but the doctors assured them it was peaceful. 

She remembers seeing the light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel and reaching out for it. But something called to her in the depths around her, something stronger than death pulled her back, forced air into her lungs, and told her to live. 

And then he woke up. 

Kihyun watches him from over the rim of his chic circle glasses, left eye twitching slightly. "Okay." Kihyun drops his notebook when he says this, and tosses the glasses on the table nearby, having suddenly found the ability to stop relying on fake glasses to complete his disheveled appearance. "I really don't think you're paying me enough for this."

"Why?" 

"It's... You're possessed by... Uh..."


	2. Chapter 2

Some many passed winters ago Changkyun spent the majority of a single week with one of his closest friends from childhood. They took turns burying their ‘secrets’ in the backyard, little ripples of paper they'd torn out of a flimsy purple notebook, scribbled on with crayons from the back of his mom's car, crumbled, and tossed them in a tin can and then into a small pit they dug with their dirty fingers. 

Hyungwon stared him dead in the eye when they were shoving the dirt back into its place and called him a liar. His plump little lips formed around the word so perfectly that it seemed time stood still just for this moment. Just for this one moment in Changkyun's life. 

He sits up in Kihyun's embrace breathing heavy, sweating cold until the shivers take over and he can't do anything but grip the wrinkled edges of Kihyun’s shirt and cry. “It's not working. Nothing is working. I'm, I’m me. I'm supposed to be…”

“Her? Are you telling me that all of your memories are lying to you? That Changkyun isn't supposed to exist in the body that you're in now?” Kihyun's voice has a soothing feel to it even when he's wrong. Changkyun knows he must be. The first thing out of this his mouth last week was ‘possession’ and had Changkyun not been on his way to the crazy floor of the hospital he would've gone right ahead and smacked this phony man across the face. 

But he'd tried everything he could get his hands on. Kihyun gave him more results than anything else. Even though on more than one occasion he's mumbled under his breath, something along the lines of “Or I could just pound the demon out of you.” but every time Changkyun glares in his direction and asks him what he means by that, he just laughs and takes a long sip of his tea. 

Today it's not better. At the start of the first round of hypnosis, Kihyun poked a hole into a bugle and simultaneously slipped a piece of frayed dental floss through it. He dangled it around in front of equal parts confused, angry Changkyun for about thirty seconds and then he cracked a goofy grin and said it was a joke. In the end, his hypnosis was more of a traditional pendulum-style pendant, it got the job done, though it still doesn't explain why Changkyun's suddenly snapping back to his sense in such a tender embrace. 

“I can't believe you were so heavily referred,” Changkyun grumbles as he pries those nice slender fingers away from his shoulders. “Hyungwon told me you're the best in the business. I should've known something is wrong with you.”

“Chae… Hyungwon?” Kihyun slips from behind him and lands barefooted on the polished concrete; his dirty converse abandoned long ago under his glass desk. “That was one freaky kid. He came by every week but there was literally nothing wrong with him. It was like taking money from a tall confused baby.” Then he slides his feet into one shoe at a time while Changkyun watches him with an unwavering intensity, then slips his arms into his oversized blazer that looks like he borrowed it directly from The Rock himself. “I know you think I'm just another one of those useless psychological doctor people trying to make some quick money, and you're not entirely wrong, but look around my office.”

It's a medium sized room with a great view of the immediate city out front with its unique ground-to-ceiling windows on the top floor of a five-story building that is home to a few small businesses and one law firm that was on the news this morning after going bankrupt. Aside from the fact that it can be considered commercial property, this room looks much more like a bachelor's pad than an office of any kind. The sofa is a cheap metal folding futon from Ikea that he's sitting on, Changkyun helped Hyungwon put together this exact same one about three months ago. There's a light blue laundry bag in the corner by the desk, a pile of partially flipped-through books beside the desk, and next to those is what looks to be a bundle of dirty socks and emptied Ramen cups, but we can overlook all of this for the next thing Kihyun says. 

“Doesn't it feel like home?”

Changkyun quirks an eyebrow. His mom taught him not to say anything if nothing nice comes to mind, so he bites his tongue and just nods slightly. Of course it feels like home. It's obvious that it's his home. 

“I live for my work,” he says, and then he crooks a finger towards himself to beckon Changkyun out of the room into the sparsely decorated hall of the fifth floor. He follows with shaky legs down five flights of stairs, at first trying to keep up so that he doesn't get left alone in that spooky stairwell, but realizes Kihyun has already slowed down significantly so they can remain in step. “I worked things out with Hyungwon for months until he felt comfortable enough to end our sessions. I'll fix you. I promise I will.” And on a quieter note, he mumbles. “Even if nothing is wrong with you.”

“Do you even listen to me when I'm talking? Of course something is wrong.” Changkyun snaps once the two step out into the chilly evening air, the smell of rain heavy around them. He hugs his sweater closer to his body Instinctively, but before he can even finish the motion of hugging himself Kihyun's ridiculous oversized blazer is thrown over his shoulders, the man himself just shrugging his shirt sleeves down over his palms. 

“It's my job to doubt anything is wrong with you. You came to me for a reason and that reason sure as hell isn't to be 100% on board with your looney ideas, is it?”

Changkyun only accepts the jacket because he wants Kihyun to suffer, he wants to see him shivering from the freezing cold, snotcicles hanging from his nostrils, but when he glances over Kihyun is just a smiling mess, counting loose change from the pocket of his pants and humming. “Hey! Did Hyungwon mention why he visited me so frequently?” suddenly when Kihyun's head pops up, Changkyun is caught being a massive creep staring at the change and lint combo in his hands. 

“Uhhhh… Hmm, his fear of clowns?”

“What the hell do you think I do? Not even close. Try again.”

“Isn't that confidential anyway?”

“No. Yes. Not really, no.” Kihyun grips his arm to stop him from passing the small hotdog stand just a few feet away from the entrance of the building, and offers his most-warming smile to the old grandma trying to stay warm behind the stall. “Can I have two for the price of one?” She doesn't look very charmed, so he laughs it off and pays for both of them anyway. “What I'm saying is, you're probably his only or closest friend, there should be no secrets between you.”

Changkyun tries to imagine Hyungwon carrying some serious emotional baggage that would impact his day-to-day lifestyle to the point of him seeking help, but the truth is that the only thing Hyungwon’s ever cried over in front of him was when his triple-scoop ice cream got knocked out of his hand as they were passing a group of middle schoolers. Hyungwon was 19 years old. Crying about ice cream. “I'm just gonna take a guess and say it wasn't something entirely normal, right?” Changkyun mutters quickly in response to banish the thought of a grown man sobbing over a $3 ice cream cone. 

Kihyun gives him a ‘duh’ look and scoffs. Then he mouths the word ‘Spear-rit-tu-all’. He takes a massive bite of his hot dog, which is basically more than half the damn thing, chews a little, hastily swallowing it down. Changkyun’s already in such awe over him effortlessly biting half of it that he's lost his train of thought and can only focus on Kihyun's lips moving without making any sound. Then realizes he is making Sound, but he just can't hear anything at all. 

When all Sound finally floods back into him, it's just enough to have him gripping the ends of his hair over his ears, trying to find a release from the overwhelming feeling like there's something bubbling under his skull and it needs to be set free. A car honking behind them has him cowering beside Kihyun in utter fear. 

He becomes acutely aware of these few things: 

Someone is blaring bad rap music from the open window of a third story apartment. Police sirens right up the street at the scene of what looks like a bad accident he doesn't try to pay any attention to, a child mixed banshee sounding thing crying nearby, barking from an enthusiastic puppy. It all slams into him full force at once. It's more instinct than anything when he stumbles closer to Kihyun's side, but he fights the other half of that little bit of instinct that tells him to cling to the man just to be close to him. There's no way he could do that. No way! 

“Are you experiencing hypersensitivity right now? Hey?” Kihyun snaps in front of his face to steal his attention, eyes buggy, brow furrowed in concern. “Did it sneak up on you all of a sudden? Was it something I said?” Kihyun stops smacking on his second weiner long enough to show some real concern, flecks of ketchup and mustard dribbling down his chin carelessly, Changkyun's eyes follow the disgusting trail, and sooner than later he's basing glaring at Kihyun’s chin for some strange reason? Puberty? 

“Wow! It's a real shame that that is an indication you might actually be pretty fucking crazy!” he swallows the food after a few chews and sighs dreamily despite Changkyun's glaring at his mouth and chin, “Otherwise, I'd be really turned on right now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun: did he just eat that whole thing in two bites? Am I seeing things?  
> Kihyun: I sure did. I can do lots of interesting things with my mouth! Like practice ABC's with my nice AND read the Bible! Next week we're going to try to keep our thoughts in our heads, okay?

**Author's Note:**

> I have to say that I've been working really hard on it for the past few weeks but I just want to see if anybody would be okay with reading something like this based off this small sample? it'll have a few heavy gender related themes and a lot of jokes that I may think are funny in my head but really aren't. so be warned.
> 
> will update tags when i make it back to my laptop.


End file.
